Top 5 Extreme Men...
you DON'T WAN to MEET during CLUBBING...
NUMBER 5! (imagine the movie narrator's voice)
THE LAMES
Donno bout these guys, it's either they are too nervous to talk to gals until they turned incoherent or they are just plain boring. No offense here but we gals rather face the wall all nite than talking to the lames. Their usual pickup lines are...
Lame1: Hi, celebrating birthday ah?
Gal: Ya. (obviously the bday cake is on the table)
or
Lame2: Hi, you look familiar, you always come here?
Gal: Ya meh? *roll eyes*
or
Lame3: Why I dont see u dancing one? Why u dont drink also?
Gal: Dont feel like it now...
or
Lame4: Wanna hear a joke?
Gal: Ok.
Lame4: I accidentally went into the ladies toilet just now. Hahahahha....
Gal: *roll eyes*
Puh-leaseeeee... The last thing tat we gals wanna hear in a club or disco is some lame jokes or comments then follow by someone laughing at their own jokes. Wanna woo gals in clubs, don be as lame as an Ilama ok? (donno y i think of Ilama but the name sounds lame) Go seek opinions, go read books, go for tuitions....anything to help u from being lame.
The u-look-familiar phrase is so OUT now k. Drop it! When the gal is not dancing or not drinking. DON ask why! Usually gals don like guys pestering her to do this do tat. We know when to dance and when to drink. Be a bit more courteous. Maybe the song the DJ was playing was not for her or maybe she had to drive tat nite. When u are running out of topic to talk and the gal is starting to get bored. Pls don ever talk bout the weather, the news and environment! You don wan her to go snoring away, dont u?
Try improving communication skills, u may have a better luck wif gals but dont ever try to be like the next contender...
NUMBER 4!!
THE PRETENDERS
They said it was their first time there but they showed u where's the toilet, the dj, the bar and all the exits without hesitations.
They said they cant drink but they were holding their 8th glass of vodka on the rock.
They said they just wanna talk but deep down they only wanna f***.
They said they are single but they have wedding rings on their fingers.
They said they are drunk but they just wanna take advantage to grab hold of some humps.
They said they are lawyers but they got whole lot of tattoos on their shoulders.
They said they'd nvr met someone like u before but they cant remember ur name half an hour later.
They said they just came back from overseas but they talk like Ah Bengs.
They said they nvr once try to get to know a gal in clubs but they got gals greeting them from every corner of the place.
They said the music was too boring to dance to but actually they dance like monkeys.
They said they are gentlemen but i think they are just big time phonies. Guys, just be yourself ok? Pretending to be macho, cool, rich or smart doesnt get you anywhere. Anymore of the dramas will only put u into the next category...
NUMBER 3!!!
THE DESPERADOS
Ricky Martin: "I'm a desperado, underneath your window......"
I wouldnt wan to shake my bon bon in front of these guys and definitely wouldnt wan to be their target either. They are so desperate tat they...
... are like crabs who will hold on to u until they hear thunder.
... are like leeches who stick to u until u pour salt on them.
... are like flies who will fly around your head until u smack them with a racket.
They think they are losers if they dont get a gal in clubs so they will try anything desperately to nail one. Dont even try to chase them away by giving small hints gals, coz they dont get it. The best way to get rid of these clingy magnets is to pour a bucket of cold water right into their face.
STRAIGHTFORWARD ACT!
NUMBER 2!!!!
THE LECHS (a.k.a HAMSAP)
True:
Gals tend to wear sexily in clubs.
Gals might dance wildly in clubs.
Gals would want to get some attentions to show off their attractiveness.
False:
Dress sexily doesnt mean we wan our asses grabbed by your salty pig hands.
Dance wildly doesnt mean we wan you rubbing your body against us.
Get some attentions doesnt mean we wan to strip and get laid.
Stay away or we'll:
Smack the lecherous smile off your lecherous face.
Step on your feet with our sharp stilettos till your tears spill out.
Kick your balls with our pointed shoes so hard till your lil' bro cant stand for one whole month.
NUMBER 1!!!!!
THE FANTASTIC FOUR (F4)
Real live example...
She was having fun with her frens in a club when suddenly a guy who was talking to one of her frens approached and stood beside her. He was wearing a white button-down shirt, jeans and specs. He looked kinda decent until...
"Hi, u guys really wanna treat your bday fren like this?" He was holding a glass of half-filled liqueur. He pointed at her bday fren who just came back from a rundown in the sink.
She looked over at her bday fren, anytime soon her fren will start performing drunken fist. She shrugged and smiled, "We always kena the bday person like this, it's a routine job."
He looked at her with smittened eyes, "Then i would love to see when you get drunk on your bday." LAME
Wah, not even 5 min the guy starts flirting with her already? "Oh, so sorry my bday is over long time ago." She proclaimed.
"Aiya, next yer mah. U remember to call me k? I'll remember u." He said matter-of-factly.
She smiled lightly, sipping her drink and avoiding the guys stare. The guy was giving her the creeps all of a sudden.
"Seriously, i'll remember u." He pressed on, his voice turned serious.
"My name is so common, u wont remember me." she remarked.
He waved his hand. "No, u r the first person i know with this name. Really." PRETENDER
She smiled forcefully and nodded nonchalantly. Damn, where did this lame guy come from?
He sipped his liqueur and continued: "Actually if u come to this kind of places, don't simply give number to strangers u know?" PRETENDER
Duh, as if she doesnt know tat. She grinned and nodded: "Of coz."
There was a moment of silence.
The guy added: "Err, but i feel like giving u my phone number now." DESPERADO
She tried hard not to roll her eyes. Tat guy was completely a no-no. She realised she had to do sumthing. Ok, plan A = ignore him. She took a sip of her drink, ignoring him.
He pressed on, "Why i don see u taking ur phone out to save my number?" DESPERADO
She almost choked on her drink. She never imagined a guy would be so thick-faced. She had to act fast.
She touched her phone in her pocket: "Oh, i'm sorry my phone memory is full!"
The guy was taken aback for a moment and she almost regretted saying those harsh words. ALMOST. She tot for sure the guy would get the hint BUT NO!!! He still lingered on beside her, slowly stepping nearer and nearer. HAMSAP
He didnt give up. "Then if i tell u my number, will u remember it?" DESPERADO
"Erm, oooo...k, i'll try." OMG, tat guy was unbelievable. Plan B also failed. She need to say or do sumthing more nasty to chase the guy away.
The guy blabbered on, "Actually if we come to this kind of places without making any new frens it would be very boring rite?"
She snapped, "I dont think so, i'm having fun with my frens."
He ignored her statement and remarked,"But i see u r bored and i come over to talk to u so u wont feel boring!" LAME
He was getting on her nerves. Excuse me! How dare he proclaimed tat when he's the one who is bored and wants to kacau some gals? It was more boring talking to him than watching the paint dry on the wall! She gritted her teeth, continuing her plan A. She started feeling his slimy fingers grazing her bare shoulders. HAMSAP
Maybe he felt she was turning tense so he said: "Actually i'm a gentleman. It's just tat i'm a bit drunk tonite." PRETENDER
"Oh icccccc." Her eyes started searching around, hoping her frens would detect the DANGER and would come save her. One was clicking away on the phone, one was watching ppl dancing, others were chatting and drinking. DAMN! She continued sipping her drink.
He completely refused to read her body language. "So...next time if u come and if u see me anywhere, u have to say hi ok?" DESPERADO
"Ok." She nodded lightly. She really cannot tahan tat guy already.
"Sometimes i don wear glasses." He smoothly took away his specs and urged the gal to recognise his face. DESPERADO
She wanted to faint straight away. She couldn believe she was talking to this freak!
He put his glasses back on. "Have to remember to say hi u know? Dont pretend u don know me ah."
She gulped and swore under her breathe, "I think u r the one who wont recognise me next time." She kept on sipping her drink to avoid eye contact.
"I wont! I'm sure i wont!" He exclaimed.
And he did sumthing. Sumthing tat forever would haunt her mind. He placed his hands on both of her shoulders and turned her around to face him. Then he stroked her fringes to the side to scrutinize her face like opening the curtain to look outside the window. For a moment there, with her drink in her hand, she was too shocked to react. Her brain stopped for 30 secs.
Finally he "released" her and her brain started registering wat he had done just now. She looked around to see if anybody seen tat. She felt humiliated. She felt exposed as if someone just pushed open her bathroom door while she was showering. #*^$*^&#%^#&*. If time can rewind, she would push him away, slap him or even poke his eyes with the bday cake fork.
Silence followed.
"I think i need to go back to my place to see my frens," he muttered.
"OK!" She replied immediately. She felt like jumping with joy.
"But then i dont feel like goin back yet coz my frens they o are drunk and u know, it's kinda messy..." PRETENDER
"Oh..." She said tat without hiding her disappointment.
"If i go back, u dont miss me k?" LAME
"I wont." She replied curtly. Who the hell will miss such a freak like him?
He ignored her statement again. "If u miss me, go over to the first table near the stage to look for me la." DESPERADO
Faster go la... She wanted to knock her head on the staircase behind her. Duh, as if i'm ever gonna talk to u again. He lingered on as if waiting for her to ask him to stay longer. She completely zipped her mouth.
"Ok, but before i go i wan u to finish ur drink first." He pointed at the drink in her hand. LAME
Aiya, easy job. Bottoms up. She drank it enthusiastically without delay. She showed him the empty glass with triumph. He went speechless again.
Silence again.
He swinged his body back and fro, "Well, erm, haha, don know wat to say liao."
"Then i guess u need to go back now." She gave him a stern look.
Finally he knew he'd fail and he backed out. "Erm, ok. Enjoy, see ya."
"Bye!" and dont come back! She let out a heavy sigh of relief, walked towards her frens and blabbered the whole incident.
Now u know wat i mean by Fantastic Four?
NUMBER 5! (imagine the movie narrator's voice)
THE LAMES
Donno bout these guys, it's either they are too nervous to talk to gals until they turned incoherent or they are just plain boring. No offense here but we gals rather face the wall all nite than talking to the lames. Their usual pickup lines are...
Lame1: Hi, celebrating birthday ah?
Gal: Ya. (obviously the bday cake is on the table)
or
Lame2: Hi, you look familiar, you always come here?
Gal: Ya meh? *roll eyes*
or
Lame3: Why I dont see u dancing one? Why u dont drink also?
Gal: Dont feel like it now...
or
Lame4: Wanna hear a joke?
Gal: Ok.
Lame4: I accidentally went into the ladies toilet just now. Hahahahha....
Gal: *roll eyes*
Puh-leaseeeee... The last thing tat we gals wanna hear in a club or disco is some lame jokes or comments then follow by someone laughing at their own jokes. Wanna woo gals in clubs, don be as lame as an Ilama ok? (donno y i think of Ilama but the name sounds lame) Go seek opinions, go read books, go for tuitions....anything to help u from being lame.
The u-look-familiar phrase is so OUT now k. Drop it! When the gal is not dancing or not drinking. DON ask why! Usually gals don like guys pestering her to do this do tat. We know when to dance and when to drink. Be a bit more courteous. Maybe the song the DJ was playing was not for her or maybe she had to drive tat nite. When u are running out of topic to talk and the gal is starting to get bored. Pls don ever talk bout the weather, the news and environment! You don wan her to go snoring away, dont u?
Try improving communication skills, u may have a better luck wif gals but dont ever try to be like the next contender...
NUMBER 4!!
THE PRETENDERS
They said it was their first time there but they showed u where's the toilet, the dj, the bar and all the exits without hesitations.
They said they cant drink but they were holding their 8th glass of vodka on the rock.
They said they just wanna talk but deep down they only wanna f***.
They said they are single but they have wedding rings on their fingers.
They said they are drunk but they just wanna take advantage to grab hold of some humps.
They said they are lawyers but they got whole lot of tattoos on their shoulders.
They said they'd nvr met someone like u before but they cant remember ur name half an hour later.
They said they just came back from overseas but they talk like Ah Bengs.
They said they nvr once try to get to know a gal in clubs but they got gals greeting them from every corner of the place.
They said the music was too boring to dance to but actually they dance like monkeys.
They said they are gentlemen but i think they are just big time phonies. Guys, just be yourself ok? Pretending to be macho, cool, rich or smart doesnt get you anywhere. Anymore of the dramas will only put u into the next category...
NUMBER 3!!!
THE DESPERADOS
Ricky Martin: "I'm a desperado, underneath your window......"
I wouldnt wan to shake my bon bon in front of these guys and definitely wouldnt wan to be their target either. They are so desperate tat they...
... are like crabs who will hold on to u until they hear thunder.
... are like leeches who stick to u until u pour salt on them.
... are like flies who will fly around your head until u smack them with a racket.
They think they are losers if they dont get a gal in clubs so they will try anything desperately to nail one. Dont even try to chase them away by giving small hints gals, coz they dont get it. The best way to get rid of these clingy magnets is to pour a bucket of cold water right into their face.
STRAIGHTFORWARD ACT!
NUMBER 2!!!!
THE LECHS (a.k.a HAMSAP)
True:
Gals tend to wear sexily in clubs.
Gals might dance wildly in clubs.
Gals would want to get some attentions to show off their attractiveness.
False:
Dress sexily doesnt mean we wan our asses grabbed by your salty pig hands.
Dance wildly doesnt mean we wan you rubbing your body against us.
Get some attentions doesnt mean we wan to strip and get laid.
Stay away or we'll:
Smack the lecherous smile off your lecherous face.
Step on your feet with our sharp stilettos till your tears spill out.
Kick your balls with our pointed shoes so hard till your lil' bro cant stand for one whole month.
NUMBER 1!!!!!
THE FANTASTIC FOUR (F4)
Real live example...
She was having fun with her frens in a club when suddenly a guy who was talking to one of her frens approached and stood beside her. He was wearing a white button-down shirt, jeans and specs. He looked kinda decent until...
"Hi, u guys really wanna treat your bday fren like this?" He was holding a glass of half-filled liqueur. He pointed at her bday fren who just came back from a rundown in the sink.
She looked over at her bday fren, anytime soon her fren will start performing drunken fist. She shrugged and smiled, "We always kena the bday person like this, it's a routine job."
He looked at her with smittened eyes, "Then i would love to see when you get drunk on your bday." LAME
Wah, not even 5 min the guy starts flirting with her already? "Oh, so sorry my bday is over long time ago." She proclaimed.
"Aiya, next yer mah. U remember to call me k? I'll remember u." He said matter-of-factly.
She smiled lightly, sipping her drink and avoiding the guys stare. The guy was giving her the creeps all of a sudden.
"Seriously, i'll remember u." He pressed on, his voice turned serious.
"My name is so common, u wont remember me." she remarked.
He waved his hand. "No, u r the first person i know with this name. Really." PRETENDER
She smiled forcefully and nodded nonchalantly. Damn, where did this lame guy come from?
He sipped his liqueur and continued: "Actually if u come to this kind of places, don't simply give number to strangers u know?" PRETENDER
Duh, as if she doesnt know tat. She grinned and nodded: "Of coz."
There was a moment of silence.
The guy added: "Err, but i feel like giving u my phone number now." DESPERADO
She tried hard not to roll her eyes. Tat guy was completely a no-no. She realised she had to do sumthing. Ok, plan A = ignore him. She took a sip of her drink, ignoring him.
He pressed on, "Why i don see u taking ur phone out to save my number?" DESPERADO
She almost choked on her drink. She never imagined a guy would be so thick-faced. She had to act fast.
She touched her phone in her pocket: "Oh, i'm sorry my phone memory is full!"
The guy was taken aback for a moment and she almost regretted saying those harsh words. ALMOST. She tot for sure the guy would get the hint BUT NO!!! He still lingered on beside her, slowly stepping nearer and nearer. HAMSAP
He didnt give up. "Then if i tell u my number, will u remember it?" DESPERADO
"Erm, oooo...k, i'll try." OMG, tat guy was unbelievable. Plan B also failed. She need to say or do sumthing more nasty to chase the guy away.
The guy blabbered on, "Actually if we come to this kind of places without making any new frens it would be very boring rite?"
She snapped, "I dont think so, i'm having fun with my frens."
He ignored her statement and remarked,"But i see u r bored and i come over to talk to u so u wont feel boring!" LAME
He was getting on her nerves. Excuse me! How dare he proclaimed tat when he's the one who is bored and wants to kacau some gals? It was more boring talking to him than watching the paint dry on the wall! She gritted her teeth, continuing her plan A. She started feeling his slimy fingers grazing her bare shoulders. HAMSAP
Maybe he felt she was turning tense so he said: "Actually i'm a gentleman. It's just tat i'm a bit drunk tonite." PRETENDER
"Oh icccccc." Her eyes started searching around, hoping her frens would detect the DANGER and would come save her. One was clicking away on the phone, one was watching ppl dancing, others were chatting and drinking. DAMN! She continued sipping her drink.
He completely refused to read her body language. "So...next time if u come and if u see me anywhere, u have to say hi ok?" DESPERADO
"Ok." She nodded lightly. She really cannot tahan tat guy already.
"Sometimes i don wear glasses." He smoothly took away his specs and urged the gal to recognise his face. DESPERADO
She wanted to faint straight away. She couldn believe she was talking to this freak!
He put his glasses back on. "Have to remember to say hi u know? Dont pretend u don know me ah."
She gulped and swore under her breathe, "I think u r the one who wont recognise me next time." She kept on sipping her drink to avoid eye contact.
"I wont! I'm sure i wont!" He exclaimed.
And he did sumthing. Sumthing tat forever would haunt her mind. He placed his hands on both of her shoulders and turned her around to face him. Then he stroked her fringes to the side to scrutinize her face like opening the curtain to look outside the window. For a moment there, with her drink in her hand, she was too shocked to react. Her brain stopped for 30 secs.
Finally he "released" her and her brain started registering wat he had done just now. She looked around to see if anybody seen tat. She felt humiliated. She felt exposed as if someone just pushed open her bathroom door while she was showering. #*^$*^&#%^#&*. If time can rewind, she would push him away, slap him or even poke his eyes with the bday cake fork.
Silence followed.
"I think i need to go back to my place to see my frens," he muttered.
"OK!" She replied immediately. She felt like jumping with joy.
"But then i dont feel like goin back yet coz my frens they o are drunk and u know, it's kinda messy..." PRETENDER
"Oh..." She said tat without hiding her disappointment.
"If i go back, u dont miss me k?" LAME
"I wont." She replied curtly. Who the hell will miss such a freak like him?
He ignored her statement again. "If u miss me, go over to the first table near the stage to look for me la." DESPERADO
Faster go la... She wanted to knock her head on the staircase behind her. Duh, as if i'm ever gonna talk to u again. He lingered on as if waiting for her to ask him to stay longer. She completely zipped her mouth.
"Ok, but before i go i wan u to finish ur drink first." He pointed at the drink in her hand. LAME
Aiya, easy job. Bottoms up. She drank it enthusiastically without delay. She showed him the empty glass with triumph. He went speechless again.
Silence again.
He swinged his body back and fro, "Well, erm, haha, don know wat to say liao."
"Then i guess u need to go back now." She gave him a stern look.
Finally he knew he'd fail and he backed out. "Erm, ok. Enjoy, see ya."
"Bye!" and dont come back! She let out a heavy sigh of relief, walked towards her frens and blabbered the whole incident.
Now u know wat i mean by Fantastic Four?
Labels: Naked truths...
posted by Groovy @ 9:47:00 AM
1 Comments
1 Comments:
haha..bravo u talking on behalf of gal.definately right.. stupid hamsap guy.. simply open ppl "langsir" chop his hand down.. haha.. :P
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